How to survive a vice squad raid

Chapter 14

A vice squad detective examines the mystery wrapper plucked from beneath a VIP room’s couch. (AI)

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Otto told me the heat was on the way, and I got to work.

If you’re going to survive a vice squad raid, you’re going to need a proper playlist. So I queued up Jan Hammer’s Miami Vice theme — because of course I did. Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power.” Fugazi’s “Merchandise.” The Sex Pistols’ “God Save the Queen,” Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.” And — the coup de grâce! — The Clash’s “Clampdown.”

I may be new to the strip club game, but I know this: You can’t have a police raid without The Clash.

And yet I left out one very important track — ostensibly the most essential vice raid song of all: AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck.”

If you hear “Thunderstruck,” Otto explained, you know the Man just walked through the door.

“Thunderstruck” is a red distress flare, shot high and arcing across the sky. It’s the potted French marigold left on a Cold War-era Berlin windowsill signaling the operation is compromised, your cover blown.

“Thunderstruck” means: Stop banging that customer in the VIP room. Stop twerking on the couches. Stop snorting lines in the ladies’ room. And for fuck’s sake, hide your drugs and try to look at least a little sober. Whatever you’re doing, stop — just stop. Get yourself to the front of the club and stay there.